The day started off so festive. People around me singing and dancing and grills going with amazing aromas as I walk across the Parkway to reach my destination. Brooklyn was live and ready to dance and be seen.

I was scheduled to march in the West Indian Day parade with the National Action Network in honor of Trayvon Martin. The movement was entitled, #1000YouthRecruit. I was appointed to help them organize and find people to participate. I was proud of this for so many reasons. But most of all because I was apart of something so very powerful. I was making a step towards fulfilling my dream of making a difference. Seeing all these young, beautiful brown faces around me let me know that being apart of this was the right decision.

The day was suppose to be one of unity. A day where people of color come together and love our beauty. I loved seeing all of the children and young adults in their Trayvon shirts. I felt so empowered. I felt like that day would be the one to make a difference. I was so proud of my people at that moment. So proud and so deeply humbled.  But sadly all of this greatness was not long lived. Maybe it was my fault for noticing the bad and not letting the good live or maybe I was finally being awaken by what is really going on around me.

On this very day I discovered why my people are so damaged. I seen with my own eyes the many things that were wrong and tears sagged my soul.

On this day my eyes were opened so very wide to reality. Unfortunately this is an email I had to send to the President of the Brooklyn chapter of the National Action Network…. I wish my people would do better because we owe ourself so much better!

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Hello,

I just wanted to apologize for the lack of dedication of the people I had register to be apart of the march today. Everyone was so amped and excited and when it came down to it no one was capable of backing what they spoke and as a contributor I am embarrassed and disgusted. I apologize for not contributing more.

I will say that I appreciate the experience. I departed early because I suddenly felt ill. I will also say that with my departing I encountered some things that made me as a young woman understand what you are doing even more.

When I separated I immediately began scouting a bathroom and I was disgusted by how black women are given NO respect by so many black men. I was charged to use the bathroom and when I spoke out against it I was called all sorts of b-tches BY MY OWN BLACK MEN.

I guess you can say I lived a rather sheltered life. I was taught that I am Queen and that the black man is my King and the way I was treated by my King today has hurt me in a way that I can’t even explain. When I spoke against being charged to use the bathroom the black man stated, ” Oh imma charge that b-tch $5″. Meanwhile at white establishments let us use the bathroom freely. NO questions asked and no need to make a purchase. I just don’t understand how we can so easily take advantage of each other. Especially in times when most of us have no income such as myself. Where is our unity? Why don’t we have togetherness? Why do others treat us better than we treat ourselves?

Please excuse the vulgarity but I was told by a black man that he wants to “f–k my mouth”. 

Right after he told me I was beautiful. Smh. I can’t begin to explain to you the kind of tears I’ve cried today. Not from the disrespect but from the disappointment. I’ve ALWAYS held my black men at such high esteem and to be spoken to the way I did today hurt me so bad.

How do we make our people respect each other? How can we expect respect when we can’t respect ourselves?

I know I may seem so naive right now but this is all beyond my comprehension. I just want my people to be better.

I respect you all so deeply. Im sorry that my generation is giving you such a hard time. Please don’t give up on us. We need you more than you know. Im so appreciative for what you do. Even more appreciative after today.

Please James… Try to save our black men. You are a beautiful man. Such a kind heart. My young black men need to understand that it is okay to be a good and 

respectful black man.

Poetry…. Please keep showing us black women strength.

Today was so deep for me. I wish you could understand what my heart feels as I write this. My people are so lost and I don’t understand. How can we hate each other so bad? Tears are running down my face as I write this. Smh. I just don’t understand!
I am so grateful for this experience. I will never forget it and will always be thankful. Thank you all so much for being so strong for my generation and beyond.

Please keep me in the loop. If there is anything I can assist with please let me know. If there is anything I can learn PLEASE TEACH ME.

I have a great deal of love in my heart for you all.

Rude

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I’ve never been so disappointed in my life. How could a day that was suppose to have so much meaning to me become one of hurt and disgust for so many reasons.

Lets break down my hurt:

I registered so many people to be apart of the parade. I explained to them all that this was to celebrate the life of a young man stolen from us by hate. I explained that we are going to be apart of the parade with a greater purpose. Everyone was so anxious and wanted to be apart. They all told be how great it was and that they couldnt wait. When the day came I stood there holding shirts in my hand and barely anyone to give them to. Only 4 people showed for me. 4 out of the 50 registration forms. Meanwhile back at the ranch these same people always talk about how we are treated as a people and the strides we need to make to overcome. How is it that when you are given an outlet to speak back and be heard do you not even bother to show.

Then we wonder why our people are not respected. where is your follow through? How can you get shot today and forget tomorrow?

Then… To be treated the way I was by black men hurt my soul in a way that I cant explain. My black man is suppose to be my protector, my King? How can I swallow a pill that big? How can I be so disrespected and then continue to love you? Nothing hurt more than when I caught myself thinking, “Why dont black men love me?”

Where are we going wrong? how can we want to be respected to much when respecting ourselves and our people is almost unheard of. All of those beautiful Black women walking across the parkway half naked and all the men totally disrespecting them. And they smile about it as if it is a badge of honor. It is notI You have to set standards for yourself!  Then we wonder why other people look at us and see us as nothing but Baby Mommas and Video Hoes. BE MORE!

My people need to learn respect and unity. We need to learn solidarity and it all starts with self!

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