Dear Rude,

I’m in love with a young bisexual woman who wants to keep me around yet she doesn’t want to let go of her well know disrespectful boyfriend/newly baby daddy. It makes me sick that she knows he’s a jerk to her & doesn’t know how to treat her nor respect her whenever he is angry with her, yet she still chooses to go back to him.

I just don’t know what to do, every time I try to get away from her we always find a reason to continue talking. It truly bothers me seeing her being disrespected when she deserves better. Even when she states that she knows he’s no good she still runs back & I don’t know if it’s just because he’s a free space to stay, or because she’s really in love, or just her pregnancy hormones. I’m praying that you could give me some insides on this & I know they say lesbians should stay from bisexual women, but you just can’t help who you fall in love with.

Sign,
Love Stuck Sap

Dear Love Stuck Sap,

Honey I’m going to need you to look in your mirror and find your self respect!

I understand love is a big emotion but you don’t allow yourself to disrespected for anyone. Do you not see how wrong this whole situation is?  And it has nothing to do with the fact that she is bisexual. Anyone can do exactly what she is doing.

Never are you suppose to allow yourself to play second to anyone. You are essentially the side chick. To hell with essentially … YOU ARE THE SIDE CHICK! If this person had any love or care for you she would never put you in this situation. And you should love yourself more than this. Once you were aware that she was in a relationship you were suppose to leave her alone. Not stay around hoping that she realizes that he ain’t sh-t!

It seems to me like you justify it all because she is in an abusive relationship but honey that is no where near a good enough excuse. When it is all said and done the person that is going to be hurt is you.

She has a whole life that she is dealing with and you are making it your burden by choice. This is not about her being pregnant. This is about you allowing someone to manipulate your emotions! You’re concerned with her being disrespected yet you are not bothering to see that you are being disrespected. How often do you consider yourself in this situation?

Sweetie walk away form this. It is nothing but drama… Someone else’s drama at that.

I think you should take some time to be alone and learn to love you because anyone who truly loves themselves will not be willing to accept this.

I have been in love before. I was in love with someone amazing… She was the air in my lungs. But despite how amazing she was she cheated on me.She started a whole new relationship behind my back.  She tried to keep me around even though she was in a relationship but I had to love myself enough to walk away. It hurt but I had to love me more than I loved her. At the end of the day she goes back to her new girlfriend. I don’t want sloppy seconds and you shouldn’t either. Furthermore if she can cheat on him with you how are you so certain that she wouldn’t cheat on you with someone else? You ever hear that the way you get them is the way you lose them? Its true honey!

When you die you lay in your grave alone. Put you before any and everyone. You have to stay true to you.

I know this may seem difficult to you but I promise you that when you look back you are going to be totally pissed off with yourself. Don’t allow someone to turn you into damaged goods because they are damaged. You say that she deserves better but are you even seeing that you deserve better?

This is a brutally messy situation my love and I would advise that you walk away from it immediately. It will hurt  but it has to be done. I really do hope you eventually choose yourself.

Madd Love,

Rude

Dear Rude,

What type of advice or tips would you give to a person struggling to get
past a crush not liking them back?

My friend finally had the guts to tell
a guy she liked him. They talked for a short time and then this awkward
faze started to happen. He basically just stopped talking to her.

I think he was forcing himself to like her because he didn’t want to hurt her
feelings.

What a douche bag instead of just telling her in the beginning
they should be friends.

She’s really struggling with this because she really liked him. I’m trying to help her by talking about other things. I even suggested setting her up on a date so she can get this other man off her mind. Help me please! I’m running out of ideas!

She’s acting so depressed like there ain’t no other men out there! As the bff it’s driving me crazy.

Also what type of tips would you give to know if a crush likes you back? I’m not trying to have my home girl going through the same thing again.

Worried BFF, 25, AZ

Dear Worried BFF,

Yea, that is a tough one. But if it was just a crush you need to make her understand that it was just that. She is devoting way too much of her emotions to someone who was essentially never hers.

You need to snap your friend into reality and make her understand that there was no commitment.

Sometimes as a friend you have to be the bad guy and I promise you she will love you unconditionally for it in the end.

I have a bestie, her name is Flo and I tell you no lies when I get out of hand she curses me out and straightens me up and I love her more than air for it.

Friends are our hand selected family. We choose them because we know they will make us better.

If she is this torn up about a crush that leads me to believe there are internal issues that she may need to handle. Perhaps the last thing she needs is to be hooked up with someone else. I feel like she may need to indulge in crushing on herself before anyone else can be on her radar. She really needs to fall in love with herself. That really is the only way to snap her out of her deep funk.

Though I have never been broken hearted over a crush I have been broken hearted and I understand what the rock bottom feeling of heart break feels like. I know what it feels like to have high expectations and be let down so I do understand what she may be feeling. She feels like inhaling is going to make her heart pop right out of her chest and that is a pain that no words can ever really explain.

Your friend needs you to be strong enough to bring her back to life. Don’t let her slip into a deep depression because the deeper she goes the harder its going to be to snap her back. It is your job to remind her that she is not dead and that no person makes her alive… Only she can do that.

As for how to know if someone likes you … That is something that only time can tell you. Everyone expresses their emotions differently so you have to just follow your heart and your instincts. But what I will say is to never be a fool for anyone. So play things as close or as far as you feel comfortable and don’t move too fast. let things slowly progress. Get to know them.

The problem that I find so many people have is they rush. There’s nothing in the world wrong with moving slowly. There’s no need to rush into anything. Pay attention to subtleties. Pay attention to how a person treats you and how they regard you and you will know.

Relationships are difficult but when given the appropriate care and attention they can be the most amazing experiences in the world.

I wish your friend the best and please keep me posted with her progression.

Madd Love,

Rude

Photo Credit: Personal Development Guy

Dear Rude,

I wanted to write in to give everyone a quick update on my situation. First thank you to Shae for her thoughtful comment.. You made me believe there is light after the tunnel. I also want to thank you Rude for answering my question. While I think you vaguely answered it and I don’t agree with it, I do respect it. I am well aware that there are many lesbian women who think like you and I find that very unfortunate. I did however take your advice and asked chocolate dream on an apology date. She agreed and wasn’t hesitant to say the least. I was very shocked lol. We had a very long engaging talk. The bottom line was she was more hurt than angry for me not telling her in the beginning. I guess in part it was due to me being afraid since it was the first time for me talking to a lesbian. She was hurt and the distance, as she says, was simply to avoid her from telling me off. I completely understand. As Shae said, if I can master the art of getting a medical degree, complete an internship, and now working on my residency, then I should be able to apply that to my personal life. Lying or hiding a piece of me will no longer happen. I have learned my lesson. I have learned that I must woman up. The talk chocolate dream and I had was much needed. I poured my heart out. She poured hers. We argued. At the end of it all we realized that we really like each other. 

I am happy to say we are officially dating. As she puts it she doesn’t want to lose the opportunity of getting to know a great woman. I thank her for giving me a chance and for putting her opinions to the side to really get to know who I am. And that is, not the stereotypical bisexual woman we are betrayed to be. I want to say to all the bisexual women please don’t feel discouraged when one doesn’t want you. There will be one that will look beyond your sexual orientation and love you for yourself. You are valued. And if you are a great woman it will exude to the next woman. Life is too short to waste a potential good opportunity. A good one will realize that.

M.D., 29, Illinois

Dear M.D.,

Giiirrrlllll, I am so happy for you. I told you thats all she needed!

And honey, opinions are like assholes… So never be concerned with the opinions of people. We all have had life experiences that have jaded us in different ways. That comes with humanity. But always stay true to you and who you are.

Im so happy for you and I wish you guys nothing short of the best.

Don’t forget to send me an invite to the wedding 🙂

Madd Love,

Rude